Extracts from A Prayer Book for Australia
A Funeral Service for an Infant
WHO HAS DIED NEAR THE TIME OF BIRTH
This service may be used for the burial or cremation of a baby who dies in the womb, or is still-born, or who dies shortly after birth.
Introduction
Every death involves loss, shock and grief, but especially that of a child. When a baby dies near birth, however, distinctive factors come into play. These need to be taken into account in pastoral care, including any funeral liturgy. Such factors include the following:
(a) There may not have been sufficient time for the distinct ‘character’ of the baby to emerge, nor for memories to take form.
(b) There may be differences in the parents’ perceptions, which need to be ministered to appropriately.
(c) Medical technology may have played a large part in trying to save or prolong the child’s life. This may have helped parents come to know the baby from the beginnings of pregnancy. Other parents may feel it has intruded into their relationship with the baby.
(d)Services such as this are usually small in attendance, but powerfully intimate. The text seeks to use intimate language, but such intimacy must be approached with sensitivity.
(e) The grief involved in this pastoral situation is distinctive, in that such early death seems to run against the Christian notion that is a good gift of life God, and given to be used with joy.
The theological emphasis which underlies this service has as a major component the conviction that God is intimately involved in and through the pain of grief. The words and actions of Jesus in receiving young infants as members of the kingdom of God are highly significant in this context.
This service is therefore provided as a resource, in the expectation that it will be used flexibly. Parts of it may be used after the burial or cremation, as well as before. Prayers and readings from this service may be used in church, in hospital, or in the home, irrespective of arrangements for burial or cremation.
Words only are provided: they need to be filled out with silence, touch, actions and gestures.
THE GATHERING OF THE COMMUNITY
1 The minister greets those gathered.
Grace and peace from the Lord be with you.
And also with you.
The minister continues with these or similar words.
We gather today in the face of terrible loss.
We are overwhelmed by the mystery of life and death
that we have experienced in N.
We come together as family and friends
to support each other by our love and prayers.
We grieve over the ending of N’s life so near its beginning.
Jesus loves all little children.
He died and rose again to bring them and us to fullness of life.
And so we celebrate God’s never-ending love for us,
even in the face of death, disappointment and dashed
hopes.
2 The following or other suitable sentences of Scripture may be read.
The Lamb at the centre of the throne will be their shepherd,
and he will guide them to springs of the water of life,
and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.
Revelation 7.17
Thus says the Lord, who created you:
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
Isaiah 43.1
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Psalm 46.1
Other words of comfort may be given here.
3 The following may be said.
Loving and living God, you are the source of all life.
You make nothing in vain,
and love all that you have made.
Thank you for sharing with us the power to give life.
Thank you for sending N into our lives.
Give us grace to entrust her/him to you,
knowing s/he is safe and secure in your care. Amen.
4 One or both of the following psalm excerpts may be read.
From Psalm 139
You created my inmost parts:
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
You know my soul, and my bones were not hidden from you:
while I was being made in secret,
and woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my limbs when they were still unfinished:
all of them were written in your book.
They were fashioned day by day:
and not one was late in growing.
Psalm 42
As a deer longs for the water-brooks:
so longs my soul for you, O God.
My soul is athirst for God, athirst for the living God:
when shall I come and see God’s face?
My tears have been my food day and night:
while all day long they say to me,
‘Where now is your God?’
Why are you so full of heaviness, O my soul?:
and why are you so disquieted within me?
O put your trust in God:
for I will yet give thanks to my deliverer and my God.
5 One or more of the following readings may be used.
Isaiah 49.1, 15–16
The Lord called me before I was born,
while I was in my mother’s womb he named me.
Can a woman forget her nursing child,
or show no compassion for the child of her womb?
Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you.
See, I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands.
Ephesians 3.14–19
I bow my knees before the Father,
from whom every family in heaven
and on earth takes its name.
I pray that, according to the riches of his glory,
he may grant that you may be strengthened
in your inner being with power through his Spirit,
and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith,
as you are being rooted and grounded in love.
I pray that you may have the power to comprehend,
with all the saints,
what is the breadth and length and height and depth,
and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge,
so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
From Romans 8
I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory about to be revealed to us.
For the creation waits with eager longing
for the revealing of the children of God.
We know that the whole creation has been groaning
in labour pains until now;
and not only the creation, but we ourselves,
who have the first fruits of the Spirit,
groan inwardly while we wait for adoption,
the redemption of our bodies.
Who will separate us from the love of Christ?
Will hardship, or distress, or persecution, or famine,
or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors
through him who loved us.
For I am convinced that neither death, nor life,
nor angels, nor rulers,
nor things present, nor things to come,
nor powers, nor height, nor depth,
nor anything else in all creation,
will be able to separate us from the love of God
in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Mark 10.13–16
People were bringing little children to Jesus
in order that he might touch them;
and the disciples spoke sternly to them.
But when Jesus saw this, he was indignant and said to them,
‘Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it.’
And he took them up in his arms,
laid his hands on them, and blessed them.
6 A hymn or other music may be used.
7 The Sermon may be preached here, or at another place in the service.
Silence may be kept.
8 One or more of these prayers is offered as may be appropriate.
The names of the infant, mother and father should be used as appropriate.
Thanksgiving for life
a Lord of all life,
thank you for your work in creation,
for nourishing life in the womb,
for your love even in death.
Thank you for the life of this child N,
whom you gave to us and have taken to yourself.
Thank you for the arms of your love,
embracing both us and N in your family.
Thank you for your presence in our sorrow,
your strength as our life goes on.
Take our sadness, and fill us with your Spirit
to serve you on earth, and join your saints in glory,
through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
b God of power and might,
your kingdom honours the simplicity of children.
Thank you for the gift of baby N,
for the love and trust which s/he inspired
in the hearts of those to whom s/he came.
Thank you for the joy s/he gave to all who knew him/her,
and for the precious memories which still abide.
Accept our thanks in Jesus’ name. Amen.
Remembrance of a baby who has died at or before birth
c Heavenly Father,
your love for all children is strong and enduring.
We were not able to know N as we hoped.
Yet you knew her/him growing in her/his mother’s womb.
In the midst of our sadness,
we thank you that N is with you now. Amen.
For the mother
d Lord Jesus, your Mother Mary stood by
when you were dying.
Be near to this mother, N.
Be to her a strong and loving friend.
Give her healing for her hurt,
and hope in place of desperation,
for you alone can show us how to triumph over death. Amen.
e God of all mercy,
you have brought your daughter N safely to this day,
a day when long-cherished hopes have been dashed.
May she know your comfort in this time of sadness,
and enjoy your protection always.
through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
For the father
f Man of sorrows, Jesus of Nazareth,
make your presence known to N in his time of grief.
In place of emptiness let him know your love.
In place of confusion let him know your peace.
In place of despair let him find hope and strength in you.
Give N strength to stand by his partner,
to share his deepest feelings,
to follow your example of strong caring,
and to receive your comfort. Amen.
For the parents
g God of life and love,
we bring before you N and N, now bereft of their child.
Lord in your mercy
hear our prayer.
You know the preparations they made, the hopes they bore,
the love and joy they shared these past months.
Lord in your mercy
hear our prayer.
We stand here with them, sharing something of their emptiness,
and we believe you are with us.
Lord in your mercy
hear our prayer.
Comfort and sustain them in their grief and pain,
that they may be able to support one another,
and go forward in their journey together.
Lord in your mercy
hear our prayer.
h God of loving kindness,
comfort N and N in their distress.
May they hold to you and one another through good and ill,
and always trust in your unfailing love;
through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
i O God, we do not understand
why you would let us anticipate a birth
only to be pained by death.
Help us to trust your goodness and wisdom
when our understanding and wisdom fall short.
We ask you this day for courage and strength,
and a growing understanding of your loving presence. Amen.
For those who mourn
j Our Father in heaven,
healer of the broken-hearted,
look in pity and compassion upon all
whose joy has been turned into mourning.
Comfort them, and draw them closer to each other
in their common sorrow.
Dwell with them, and be their refuge
until the day breaks and the shadows flee away;
through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Thanksgiving for care-givers
k God of all comfort,
thank you for those who have cared in recent days:
medical helpers ...
those who have prayed ...
friends and family, particularly ...
Through them we have felt something of your love.
We bless you for their skill, compassion and time,
and ask you to bless and sustain them.
Thank you for all they mean to us. Amen.
9 The following Litany of Intercession may be used.
Let us pray for those in need.
For all parents whose child has died,
that they may know your strength and peace:
Lord in your mercy
hear our prayer.
For all care-givers, family and friends of bereaved parents,
that they might gain sensitivity in supporting them:
Lord in your mercy
hear our prayer.
For all parents anxious during pregnancy,
that they may have strength to come through it safely:
Lord in your mercy
hear our prayer.
For all brothers and sisters, grandparents and other relatives,
that they might know your strength and consolation:
Lord in your mercy
hear our prayer.
For all support groups,
that they may go on offering love and support for families:
Lord in your mercy
hear our prayer.
For our society, that we may better understand,
accept and support those who mourn:
Lord in your mercy
hear our prayer.
For all couples experiencing infertility,
that they may feel your loving presence in their difficult times:
Lord in your mercy
hear our prayer.
For all present here, holding on to promises unfulfilled,
that we find new hope and comfort in the shadow of death:
Lord in your mercy
hear our prayer.
10 The minister continues
Let us join together in the prayer Jesus gave us.
Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our sins
as we forgive those who sin against us.
Save us from the time of trial
and deliver us from evil.
For the kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours
now and for ever. Amen.
11 The minister continues with one or more of the following prayers.
Let us commend baby N to the love of God.
Dear God,
Jesus took children in his arms and blessed them.
Into your strong hands
we entrust this precious baby, N,
a sheep of your fold,
a lamb of your flock.
We believe that Jesus died and rose again to save us,
and so we offer this prayer in his name. Amen.
12 At a burial or cremation
And now we commit N’s body
to be cremated
to be buried in the ground
earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust;
in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,
who died, and was buried, and rose again for us,
and who shall change our mortal body
that it may be like his glorious body.
Those present may join with the minister
Thanks be to God who gives us the victory
through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen!
13 This or other prayers may be said.
Gracious Father,
in darkness and in light,
in trouble and in joy,
help us to trust your love.
Lead us, as we seek to go beyond the present pain
so that we might yet live to praise your name;
through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
14 The minister says one or more of the following.
May the Lord bless you and keep you;
May the Lord make his face to shine upon you,
and be gracious to you.
May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you,
and give you peace. Amen.
The minister may say
Go in peace in the name of Christ. Amen.